Why We Need To Stop Using The Term Mean Girl

Women have a low tolerance for conflict with other women. It’s easier to just slap a label on it than to sort it out. Unfortunately, these terms are dehumanizing and imply that the girl or woman has an inherent character flaw.

“Mean Girl” does not describe a person every time there is an uncomfortable moment in a relationship. It’s a moment, not a person’s identity.

Here are some phrases we can say instead.

3 Guidelines For How To Be Truly Authentic

Parents and girls' leadership experts implore my daughter to stop playing it safe, and start getting ‘authentic.’ This is because study after study shows that girls are so worried about being judged, they’re not willing to be vulnerable, messy and real.

But my daughter was confused. How to be vulnerable and real? How to know when to do it?

Ironically, we run into problems when we are preoccupied with being “authentic.” When authenticity itself is a singular goal, it can cause us to filter less, overshare, and even manifests itself as a chip on a shoulder.

I try to explain to her the difference between “confident authenticity” and simply brazen oversharing.

6 Tricks To Get Her Out Of Her Phone And Get More Done

What I thought would be a conversation about social media and its detriments with my daughter (Not to worry, that blog post is coming in a few weeks!), turned into a curious conversation about decision making, time management, perfectionism, and the brain. 

Yes… they are all related in this case because it's our brains' fault. (Don't you love it when our shortcomings can be blamed on biology?!)

But why should we care?

An essential trait of leadership is being a decisive decision maker. We don't admire the clueless leader who waffles or is uncertain.  Therefore, we need to understand what is going on with our brain so we can take back control.  

And stop watching cat videos ...

Are Parents To Blame For A Child's Fear Of Failure?

Several recent high-profile articles have highlighted the worrying trend that today's college students aren't failing well. In order to support their students, universities have started to set up programs and support to help these anxious students who have never experienced a B before.

Researchers lay the blame for these fragile young adults squarely at the feet of parents.

But are parents the only ones to blame?

How To Help Your Perfectionist? Start With Her Strengths

Ever feel like you are only focusing on your child's weaknesses? Good news. There is something called Strength-Based Parenting that is highly effective.

When we focus on eliminating only weaknesses in our kids, we can only improve the process or person from low to a sort of average. If instead, we identify, focus on, and leverage strengths, we can attain better consistency and success. In fact, each person’s greatest room for growth is in the areas of his or her greatest strength.

If we take our natural ability and multiply it times the effort we put in, we will reach higher milestones sooner than others. Psychologists call this the “multiplier effect.”

Not only is this great for us parents but it will be a relief to your child who thinks you only see their negatives.

5 Steps To Discovering Your Passion

Bill Burnett and Dave Evans, authors of the book, Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life, say, “Many people operate under the dysfunctional belief that they just need to find out what they are passionate about. Once they know their passion, everything else will somehow magically fall into place.”

William Damon, director of the Stanford Center on Adolescence, says that the reality is only one in five young people between twelve and twenty-six have a clear vision of where they want to go, what they want to accomplish in life, and why.

I personally think this is a realistic, if not healthy, statistic. Apparently, I’m in the minority.

How To Unlock Your Strength

Research shows the most outstanding leaders take the time to reflect. “The more girls know who they are, the more they can believe in themselves, and trust in the power of their own intellect and intuition. This self-trust is the foundation of self-confidence, the foundation girls need to assert their voice and remain resilient, to rise up as leaders - and to keep rising." - Elizabeth Perlman, founder of the intuitive writing project.

What is the best research-backed method to reflect? Journaling. Although most introverts are naturally drawn to this exercise, everyone can benefit. Here are the best tips and strategies from the industry's experts.

How To Conquer Your Fear And Kill It On Stage: 28 Public Speaking Tips

28 tips may seem like a lot, however, considering more Americans fear public speaking than their own death, I believe more tips are better than less.

Public speaking is a skill, not a talent. It needs to be practiced at all ages. Avoiding public speaking only exacerbates the problem by reinforcing the fear. Besides, if you never present, you’ll never realize that you won’t actually die!

How To Get Leadership Experience When You Aren't A Leader

“Between childhood and womanhood, girls encounter a phenomenon known as "losing voice," according to studies published by Harvard University."

"74% of 12-year-olds surveyed by Girl Scouts of America list "improving the world around me" as one of their favorite activities, but a lack of confidence holds them back from taking leadership in the areas of change they care most about. Only 1/3 of middle-school girls today believe they can be a leader.” - Girls Driving For a Difference -

Getting girls to bridge the gap from doubting they can be a leader to leading social change they care about, is what these 5 steps aim to do.

The Perfect Mothers Day Gift: Judgement Free Parenting

As young, perfectionist girls grow into adult women, and perhaps mothers, we seem to be doubly susceptible to negative self-talk. So, instead of going out for a day of pampering to help you recharge - which, frankly, lasts precisely as long as it takes the nail polish to dry - consider these strategies instead. They last a lifetime!

From Fearful to Fearless: How Understanding Criticism Makes Our Girls Brave

Unwarranted criticism. Constructive criticism. Professional criticism. Mean girl behavior. Being bullied. Being judged. Being singled out. Girls lump them all together because they all feel terrible to them. So, the simplest way to escape criticism, even though it can help you grow, is to not put yourself out there in the first place. But identifying which type of criticism is being pointed at you, it’s a lot easier to handle and more likely that you’ll get back out there.

What Helps Girls in School Will Hurt Them in the Work World

My daughter will have to play an entirely different game once she enters the workforce. She can no longer be a member of the rule police. Schools don't help us practice taking risks.  They only reward perfection, and we gals love being perfect, don’t we?  And so we hide behind our straight A’s.  It’s safe there. Unfortunately, the more we are concerned with failing, the less we can achieve, the less we can improvise and the less we can invent. As they say - nothing ventured, nothing gained.

So here are the new rules she'll have to learn.

How to Make Praise Actually Work

Praise is one of humanity’s deepest cravings.  It satisfies our need for acceptance.  It can give us meaning in our lives and it can help to build our identities.  It’s easy to see why parents dole it out thickly to their children. However, when used improperly, the compliments can harm the very people we are trying to encourage. In fact, Dweck’s experiments showed that, sadly, the brightest girls collapsed the most.

Here's how to avoid the pitfalls of praise and, instead, motivate your child to excel!

9 Tools That Make You Confident in Conflict

My daughter was in dire need of some tools to help her with the difficult conversations she was having.

Conflict management is one of those traits that no one likes to tackle, let alone practice, but research shows girls, in particular, treat it like the plague. Dealing with conflict with confidence can put girls in a position where they might not be “nice” or even likable for a little while. So, instead, they avoid any semblance of conflict to maintain their “good girl” persona. That’s unfortunate because along with strategic thinking, decision-making, and problem-solving, the most successful leaders tend to show finely-honed communication skills. 

Turns out, I got a few tips to throw into my own tool-kit as well!

How to be Unafraid in Asking for What You Want

Wanting to be team captain was the perfect opportunity for my daughter to practice the right way to negotiate. Unfortunately, she didn’t think so... 

She believed, like many women, that if she just worked hard, she should be recognized for her talent. Three separate studies found that women are less likely than men to negotiate for what they want. Men place themselves in more negotiation situations and view more interactions as negotiating opportunities.  They get a lot more practice in the art of asking and, therefore, a lot more comfortable than women. 

My daughter learns that how you ask can reduce the stress of asking and can be much more effective.