Have you ever felt you were in the movie Ground Hog Day? You know that one where Bill Murray wakes up to relive the same day over and over and over again? That was me one year ago. I wasn’t just stuck in a rut or a hamster wheel. I felt I was tediously living each day repeatedly.
So I decided to drop the ball (many balls actually) on purpose to see where failing on purpose hurt or helped. I learned quite a few things in the process of trying to attain a more whole-hearted life.
28 tips may seem like a lot, however, considering more Americans fear public speaking than their own death, I believe more tips are better than less.
Public speaking is a skill, not a talent. It needs to be practiced at all ages. Avoiding public speaking only exacerbates the problem by reinforcing the fear. Besides, if you never present, you’ll never realize that you won’t actually die!
Unwarranted criticism. Constructive criticism. Professional criticism. Mean girl behavior. Being bullied. Being judged. Being singled out. Girls lump them all together because they all feel terrible to them. So, the simplest way to escape criticism, even though it can help you grow, is to not put yourself out there in the first place. But identifying which type of criticism is being pointed at you, it’s a lot easier to handle and more likely that you’ll get back out there.
My daughter will have to play an entirely different game once she enters the workforce. She can no longer be a member of the rule police. Schools don't help us practice taking risks. They only reward perfection, and we gals love being perfect, don’t we? And so we hide behind our straight A’s. It’s safe there. Unfortunately, the more we are concerned with failing, the less we can achieve, the less we can improvise and the less we can invent. As they say - nothing ventured, nothing gained.
So here are the new rules she'll have to learn.
Wanting to be team captain was the perfect opportunity for my daughter to practice the right way to negotiate. Unfortunately, she didn’t think so...
She believed, like many women, that if she just worked hard, she should be recognized for her talent. Three separate studies found that women are less likely than men to negotiate for what they want. Men place themselves in more negotiation situations and view more interactions as negotiating opportunities. They get a lot more practice in the art of asking and, therefore, a lot more comfortable than women.
My daughter learns that how you ask can reduce the stress of asking and can be much more effective.
I know I’m not alone in finding this concept of letting our children fail downright terrifying. Here’s the modern-day myth: If they fail, then people will talk about them…and us…in whispers behind our backs. Our children will never get into college, live in our basements and everyone will see what impostors we are as parents. So for fun, let's treat this like a phobia.